A Spring Getaway...and One of My Favorite People in the World!

It was a PERFECT time for a road trip up the California coast! Spring in the golden state looks damn near like Ireland!






I took a long-awaited trip to San Francisco to see a long-lost best buddy. Mike and I go way back--to 4th and 5th grade, as a matter of fact! We were in plays together, we sung together (he played guitar), we recorded mall Soundtracks songs together...hung out and had fun. Neither of us could remember when we'd seen each other last. Probably before he flew off from Ohio to SF to go to Art Grad school. Ours is the sort of friendship that time can never change. He pulled up to my motel in his Beamer SUV, I gave him a hug, and it was like no time had passed. We were still like two peas in a pod (both Libras), we still laughed at the same stuff, and remembered all the old inside jokes. He showed me all around his fine city (hadn't been since 1987) and even joined me in a touristy trolley ride. I love that city and all its cool buildings and streets and bay windows!
I thought that I'd only have time for lunch with my dear friend, but Mike was available ALL DAY! We visited two of his favorite neighborhood bars--one a very artsy and trendy place (with yummy appetizers and VERY healthy martinis--it helps when you know the bartender!), and the other a piano bar called Martuni's where I met some of his friends.

It was a wonderful time. I feel like a bit of my youth was recaptured; it was great connecting with one of the finest men on this planet; and I was so happy he's done so well for himself.





The next day I visited another good friend and RPeep, Stuart! I got to be the first to meet his new kittycat, Lady Madonna, and was treated to a delectable gourmet feast for lunch. Stu will probably blow that off and say it wasn't all that.....but anyone who knows Stu and his professional cooking know that it WAS. This fabulous man also treated me to ice cream and gave me a keyboard, so that I can play the piano again!!!! (In the words of one of our favorite bunnies...WHOOP!) It was good to see Stu again--last time was when he was decked out in Mardis Gras beads at Reinstock.


And then...the icing on the cake. At a friend's recommendation, I visited Moonstone Beach--one of the best kept secrets of the remote Central Coast! Dramatic waves, gorgeous scenery (San Simeon was right down Hwy 1 and you could see Hearst Castle in the distance). I had a writer's getaway there...an evening walk on the beach, a tasty barbecue feast from a local diner...and then just me and my laptop in my inn.







The next morning I walked the beach again, took artsy fartsy pix,














and then traveled further on to tour Morrow Bay.






I finished the day writing in my favorite coffeehouse (with free wireless) in San Luis Obispo.

It was a great time away...a simpler sort of Spring Break suited for 39 year old writers!


I plan on doing some more writer's getaways up that way...and perhaps even Big Sur as well. I would've certainly moved straight to that area when I moved to this state, had it not been so isolated (and away from friends and people who I needed in my life as I got my start).

More Livin', Less Talkin'

My post title explains my absence.

There is a lot going on in my life right now, and words just get in the way sometimes. Some of it's pleasant, some of it's not.

Outside my window, a strong wind is blowing palms and greenery and trees around. There are whitecaps on the ocean. A big front is blowing in, and it will rain tomorrow. For now, it's just windy, cool and sunny. I'm enjoying the lovely view of the sea while I have it...because my next goal is downsizing to a cheaper dwelling, so I have more money with which to enjoy my life here in California. And to travel and visit other friends...(in the PNW, BHD!) I am trying to visualize and believe in a dwelling just as nice as this one, only $400-500 cheaper. I know I will find it.

I'm once again putting off going to church. I did find a nice new-agey church here with spirit-filled people....but I have really been enjoying my laid-back Sunday mornings of solitude, writing and reflection rather than having to get ready and be somewhere. I'm always in touch with my Higher Power, so I guess I can do that anywhere.

My routine beach walks (and Salsa classes) have sadly been interrupted by an annoying case of tendinitis in the back of my knees and the side of my left ankle. I may have to visit an alternative-medicine guy a coworker recommended--but then again, a friend told me yesterday sometimes these things can be taken care of by rest, ice and stretching. We'll see...I'm trying not to give in the the belief that just because I'm getting older and I'm in a physically demanding career, that aches and pains are inevitable. I can create well-being in my body and life. Dammit.

:)

My mom's memory loss is worsening...some more. My siblings are holding yet another family meeting about getting some Visiting Angels (home care folks) to stay with her part time, while the rest of the family fills in the gaps. That way, nothing dangerous can happen to her, and she can still afford to stay in the comfort of her own home. I hope that's what works from now until she dies--cause my mom doesn't have very many attachments in this world, but she does cherish her homestead and the big, beautiful backyard outside the window. The home where I grew up. One day, though, I won't have a "home" to go back to, and that makes me sadder than words can even express.

Which brings me to the thoughts I've been pondering very heavily, of late. My continued existence in the Golden State. As long as I'm looking for a new man in my life, why not find one closer to home? Asheville, NC was my first choice of places to move--it's a huge Bodywork and Holistic capital, it's got milder weather than Ohio (and mountains!) and only a day's drive to my family.

I joined a matchmaking website, just for fun...and have created a search for the greater Asheville area, just to see...and there appears to be a healthy bunch of southern gentlemen still looking for Ms. Right. Lord knows, the California guys I email aren't responding...yet.

I do love California, though. In fact, there are many places here I wish to visit while I'm living here, which is why I have GOT to eventually find a cheaper house and some sort of massage job where it's not so GOT DAMN HARD to get time off.

And finally, my writing. I don't know what I would do without it...I am very much trying to manifest it as the principle source of abundance in my life--and according to recent astrology reports, I think the Universe says, "Sure, go for it!" An agent is still reviewing my novel, and my children's book project is nearly ready to submit.

So this if my life, at present. It seems no matter how much I stay in the moment and enjoy little pieces of life here and there...there will always be that missing piece that Jen talked about. That huge question mark hanging over my life. In the words of one of my favorite U2 songs..."I still haven't found what I'm looking for."

But I will keep walking and smiling. Because the little pieces are what keep me going.

An Angel's Brief Visit

I have just now been able to stop crying--after the last 45 minutes or so.

Something on the news tonight shook me to my very core, and I don't think my heart will ever be the same.

It was a story of a precious baby boy, Austyn, from a town 90 miles north of here who lost his long battle with a rare bone disease. The entire story is here, if you have the time to read it.

But I think what hit me hardest was the smiles of purity and radiance on this precious child's face in just about every photo they took of him--despite what his poor little body was going through all those months. It was as if he was being flooded with so much love from his family and all the thousands of people in his community--that he had no choice but to radiate it back to everyone 1000-fold.

When I look at pictures of him...he seems (to me) to be an angel who visited this earth briefly to bring lots of joy and love, to unite people, and to create more awareness about this tragic disease, so that perhaps its cures can be stronger and better one day.



I have never been so utterly inspired by his family (a very close-knit, brave and loving family), and their perseverance. And taking the time to keep a live journal about their child's progress on his website.

I plan on attending the memorial when they have it (hopefully it won't be on a work night) and being there for them.

I've asked my sister if I can make a copy of a very beautiful song she wrote for another baby who died long ago...and give it to the family. I hope she says yes.

Life is so precious, my friends. Austyn may not have gotten to live much of his--but I am sure he received more love in his short time than some people have in an entire lifetime.

Namaste.

A Poem For Someone Beyond Wonderful

Bits and pieces of this poem came to me as I drove down the breaktakingly beautiful Highway 101 in the last couple of months....

And this morning, the Muses showed up at my door ready to complete the entire poem. So here is a humble offering to someone we all know and love--who holds a very special place in my heart.

For Stephanie

The time has come
To write a poem for you

Words and expression flow from you daily
Evoking smiles, laughter, admiration and wonder
Using your gift to brighten the world
Has always come so naturally
Like brushing your teeth or tying your shoes

I hear your name, and I picture your lovely, wily smile
I read your words, and I can hear you speaking them in your musical voice
So much wisdom and culture and refinement in your young brain
One can’t help but believe in reincarnation…and the lives you might have lived

I think God cut you and I from the same fabric…
Yet we became two vastly different patterns and exquisitely-tailored garments
However different our lives, we feel the kindredness of our unique design
Probably the very thing that brought us together

The Playground brought many things into my life
New friends, new experiences, a romance won and lost, and travels afar
And then there was you…a sweet and sunny little sister who instantly loved me
The little sister I never got to have, full of life and vibrant love for the world

Spontaneous calls in the shopping mall, a cheerleader on my journey west
Quietly enduring your own heartaches and trying to make the best of things
Bravely repairing your asynchronous heart,
Venturing into new territory among new friends
Dancing through life with the passion and vigor of one who will only get one dance

Thank you, bright spirit, for shining your light in my corner of the world
Thank you for bringing your wit, your laughter and your infinite caring

Thank you...for being.

That Lost Feeling Again

I've been recuping from a small cold virus tonight--getting lots of editing done on my novel. But thoughts keep plaguing me, and some revelation is coming about why I've felt so melancholy today.

I've been having flashbacks of the different segments of my life. Working in my classroom as a teacher (if you'd told me, five years ago, that I'd be a massage therapist in California in the next five years...I'd have thought you were nuts!)

Even life with my long-term boyfriend of about 3 years ago seems like eons ago.

I'm almost 40 years old...and every once in awhile, when I'm not staying in the blissful moment and going profoundly deep with my thinking....I wonder what the hell I'm doing here and where I'm supposed to be.

The vision of working in a holistic bodywork places seems adrift at sea and nowhere near happening...I don't want to work in a spa forever...I'm content with being a writer...but I feel very alone in the world.

How I yearned to be settled in a home with a mate by now--and every other scenario I try on feels like just that--trying on clothes that are partly what I want, mostly what I want, not even close to what I want...and never the "just right" fit.

Sometimes all the fun things I involve myself with just feel like consolation prizes. The little platic toys that one gets when you are not the birthday girl or boy.

Don't get me wrong. I'm grateful for all the blessings life has handed me this year, and I've been living very fully...but I don't feel settled. And it makes me feel sad that I may be a long way off from being settled, because this will involve the free will of another, and the direction of his life too.

I guess every now and then we experience a little human doubt or maybe impatience. No platitudes or advice are necessary, here...I am merely thinking out loud. And feeling sickly does indeed lend itself to hopelessness and despair.

Well, one thing at a time. First, I will focus on healing my body. Then my psyche.