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Location: Ohio, United States

I am on a fantastic journey, embracing life with everything I've got!

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

My "Project"

So for the last month and a half, I've experimented with an online dating site. Mostly, it's been amusing.

I was a little put off by how time consuming it is...going through profile after profile seeing who's even remotely attractive to me, getting sent "matches"...too damn much time at the computer. I could be out looking in person (and would rather be).

But I did this for myself because I was feeling all kinds of resistance to it, so figured I'd shove myself outside my comfort zone. And it's always nice to say you "tried" and left no stone unturned.

But here are the things that amused me...these "matches" that they send you are ridiculous. "We thought you would be compatible with this person because you both don't like body piercing!" Heh. Yeah, there's a foundation for a GREAT relationship. LOL.

Then there's the photo-phobes. The guys who post profiles and not pictures irritate the hell outta me. I want to see who I'm talking to. If you don't post your picture, it makes me think you've got something to hide, are paranoid or insecure. And who wants THAT kinda guy? As my Wonder Twin says, fair is fair. I post, you post.

Now the ones who DO post their photos...why the hell do they post a picture of themselves all huggy-kissy with other women? Don't they want to appear unattached? Or is it some ploy to showcase their popularity with the wimmins? One guy even had his left hand very prominant in the foreground with a gold band on! DUH!!!

The non-responders piss me off, too. If I email them to say hi--and get nothing back, not even a no thank you...I consider that in bad form. The men who've contacted me ALL get a no thankyou or even a well-crafted no-thankyou-email saying that I'm very honored you winked at me, but I feel no connection. My friend who had no luck with a dating site said some of them have profiles but aren't paying--and thus, cannot contact you. So you know what? They're cheap bastards and not worthy of my love EITHER! Ha!

Then there's the needy, persistent, stalker-material guys. They seem WAY too eager..."gosh, I have a soccer match to go to this weekend, would you consider attending it with me, then I can take you to dinner?" Um...excuse me, WHO are you and what was your name? I haven't even spoken with you and you're already making plans for us and sending me all your personal contact info? And if I send someone the aforementioned "no thank you" email, I sometimes get..."But...WHY don't you like me? Can't we just talk? Can't we meet in case you FEEL a connection?"

Dude. I can tell from your picture if I'm going to be the least bit attracted to you. And I'm not asking for Matthew McConnaughey gorgeous, here....I just have to like how you look first. Chemistry is very important to me.

I think I have the most respect for the blatantly honest guys. The guys who say, "I'm into some wild times and great chemistry." He's there to get laid, and he's not being all flowery and mysterious about it. He won't lead some poor "I'm looking for my soulmate" woman down the wrong path. Kudos to you, Mr. Fuckbuddy! *applause*


My one success story...a walk on the beach with a very nice guy in my town. But I got the distinct impression he felt no romantic ties...never really followed up afterward. It's okay--he was really nice, but I felt no tingly possibilities. He'd be a great hiking buddy if we ever continue our friendship.

It was a nice experiment, but I can't wait til it's over. The "crossing paths naturally and non-contrived" method has always worked for me...and I completely trust that. It may not happen on my timetable, but so be it.

It's been great, it's been fun...but I can't wait til it's OVER!



Blogger joseph said...

Well, I guess I won't waste my time on that kind of service after reading what you've had to endure. Natural selection seems the most tried and true method wherein the context of visual & chemical confirmation is readily at hand. Good luck to you, m'dear.

2:33 PM  
Blogger redpig77 said...

I signed up for three of these on-line dating. and I just can't muster up the "courage" to ask continue.

I read a book by Jennifer Cox "Around the World in Eighty Dates" and I learned that you have to know what you want in order to get what you want. So I am going to write up a profile, in my own words, on what I like in a guy and what I don't like and then send it to all of my network of friends to find the right person for me.

Maybe you should try it too!

7:18 PM  
Blogger Randy from RP said...

It is their loss Alex! Here's hoping you find the one soon.

7:59 PM  
Blogger newwavegurly said...

I honestly think that a lot of your experience is because of the particular site you got involved with (but you and I had a bit of an info exchange about that before).

Some of the sites out there are like one big ol' online meat market — and if that's what someone is looking for, more power to them. Others are not as blatant as that, and have a lot more steps to go through before you can start directly communicating with one another, which does tend to make a difference.

All that said, it doesn't matter what method one uses to meet people, the quality of the people you meet is only going to be as good as the people that participate.

And of course, all of this is just my humble opinion.

10:42 AM  
Blogger ankhara99 said...

I tried "personals" once. Never met anyone worth meeting more than once. Most that I met had a "neediness" that I just couldn't get past.

In the end, I decided to go out and do all the things that interested me. I forced myself to plan activities and go OUT and do stuff rather than be at home.

By thoroughly engaging myself in my favorite persuits, I met people who enjoyed similar things to me, and by pushing myself past my comfort zone a bit, I gained some self confidence where I wasn't the needy person I had been either.

And most of all I really felt like I was LIVING. And that, to me, was most important.

Just one person's story, for what it's worth. Best of luck to you.

11:05 AM  
Blogger Lexie said...

Yup, ankhara...that's actually what I did first...Salsa class, writing group...already getting involved in things all over town. I just wanted to try one more thing. Just to say I did!

9:07 PM  
Blogger winter said...

You inspire me, my friend. I've been toying with online dating myself. Now I can say to myself, "If she can do it, so can I."

Good luck with your search!

1:20 AM  

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