An Occupational Hazard

I'm a bodyworker, and it is one of the most fulfilling careers I've had to date. I enjoy assisting people back into their quiet place of center, I enjoy helping make their aches, pains and stiffness go away...I enjoy how vibrant and happy they look as they walk away from my massage table.

But every once in awhile, there is a certain...shall we say...challenge we therapists come up against. When we find a particular client attractive! It happens all the time--and everything's cool as long as one never acts on it during the therapist-client relationship. I've known some to date a client after they break their professional relationship and make it a personal one. But unless that happens, there are strict rules--which I honor and respect.

So the attractive client thing--it's happened to me twice in the last week!

The first one was a little spiritual affirmation from the Universe. A very handsome man (only one year older than myself) with merry brown eyes and an easygoing nature was my client. He was so healthy and together both mentally and spiritually (we had the greatest talk in 50 minutes I've ever had with a stranger)--someone I could actually fall for. Someone who'd be a GREAT match for me at this point in my life. (He's from upstate and has a girlfriend, so not really possible) But I was so grateful I got this man for a client, because for the first time in a year, I felt like I could actually love someone again.

The second was a John Wesley Harding look and sound-alike! For those who don't know JWH, he is a folk-rock singer from England...VERY dashing and handsome...and with a voice that I absolutely love. This man, too, was very amiable and happy and charming--a nice family man visiting from the east with his wife & kids.

When attractive clients are on my table, I very carefully put up a "safety wall" and concentrate on my work--I try not to look at their face (especially their lips) or focus on their recumbent position...for fear of my work getting a little too nurturing. So far, so good.

Anyway...here's the lesson learned. After a year of refusing to look, flirt, envision new love or even CARE...this is all very healing. Very healing indeed.

Thoughts On a November Night

It's the day after Thanksgiving, 2005. I've been doing lots of reflecting in the past week. Life is vastly different these days...than it's ever been before.

Thanksgiving was usually brisk and chilly all my life in the Midwest. Thanksgiving was having my mom's house (or a nearby sibling's house) jammed with family members laughing, talking, joking, having musical jam sessions, singing...and eating. I'm pretty sure this was the first Thanksgiving I wasn't there doing all that with them, living so far away.

Thanks to my two dearest friends in my new city, who I feel very blessed and fortunate to have in my life, I got to have a small, cozy dinner with them. We all contributed toward the cooking, and afterward we watched Mad Hot Ballroom--a documentary about New York City gradeschoolers (wise beyond their years) learning ballroom dancing in their inner city schools, then taking it all the way to a citywide competition. It was an amazing film and gave me hope in America's youth.


Today I walked to the beach after work and was greeted by a pounding, invigorating surf kicked up by high winds. The sun set as I stood on a high rock and felt the wind rush over me and tousle my hair. I sung a few songs to the ocean, in return for its rejuvenation and power and beauty. I love how empty the beach is, sometimes...just me, the waves and my Higher Power. After existing in the moment for a long while, I walked back up to my little apartment on the Mesa.

This was a good, good day. Because lately I've been questioning my purpose for moving across the country. Wondering, "Okay, exactly WHY did I move here again?" The answers--the true reasons--have yet to reveal themselves. I need to draw from the well of Patience now more than ever in my life. And I've been to that well more times than I care to speak of. Truth be told, I'm a little tired of that fracking well.


But I have a lot to be grateful for, in this season of gratitude. For a lovely little apartment, for the current abundance in my life that enables me to live in it, and reside in one of the most beautiful cities in our country, for the new friends I'm making, for the milestones I'm reaching in my writing career, for my health, for the satisfaction of helping so many people feel more relaxed and healthy, for the love of friends and family, near and far, for being a strong woman who's survived many heartaches and hardships, for the ability to love unconditionally and with all my heart, and to let myself be loved, for all the spiritual tools I've been given to cope and thrive in this beautiful world and crazy life...and for the grace that comes from seemingly nowhere--just when I need it most.

My Guys In Every Corner

At the start of November, there is a dear friend I always think about named John. In the mid-90s, he was my bestest buddy, and we were both hardcore U2 fans. We both agreed that after the first of November, once the time change hit and the trees grew more bare, and the sky was cold and gray--it was always the perfect time to play The Unforgettable Fire. At the time, John was struggling with the direction of his career and was stuck in a 2-year holding pattern in my city--and his friendship was invaluable to me. I learned so much from him about how to be "intimate platonic friends." Today, he has a PhD and teaches in Toronto. He still has not found the woman of his dreams.

Thinking of John always makes me remember the other crucial men in my life who were never lovers.

Russ came into my life when I desperately needed to quit growing up so fast. I did life ass-backward by working a Federal job before going to college. I was thrown into an office full of "responsible" older people and totally skipped over my wild, partying college years. Russ was a southern gentleman from North Carolina, and one of the most chivalrous and friendly men I'd ever met. He initiated outings to do fun things. He liked to hike in the great outdoors. He taught me how to let my hair down and get a little crazy. When I did develop a crush on him, (unrequited) he was very gracious anyway and never got all weird about it. He really wanted to remain my friend. He was in the Air Force, so of course he moved on...but today he is a civilian marine biologist back in his home state...seems very happy with his new career...and as far as I know, still unmarried.

Vance was the little brother I never had. He was the kid brother-in-law of the lead guitarist in the rock band I sung with. But he was wise beyond his years, hilarious, mischievous, and bold. I found him utterly fascinating and he never ceased to amaze me with the things he accomplished (teaching himself stand-up bass for one) and his self assuredness for a guy his age. When Vance grew up, he asked me to his Prom. I was too embarrased to go because I was 24--but looking back, I should have. One day, Vance decided he was going to go make it big as a bass player in Austin, Texas--capitol of Live Music. Sure enough, he did. I talked to Dave Alvin's guitar player...and he knew Vance! I talked to Vance for 2 hours on the phone last year--he's very happy and would like to find the right woman to settle down with soon...but laughingly said, "That really doesn't go well with the rock and roll lifestyle, though."

Mike was the boy every mother wanted their daughter to marry. Handsome, polite, funny, and talented. We hung out on and off through junior high/high school. He helped me notate the very first song I wrote (a Christmas song), and was my biggest cheerleader in the process. We sung and played music together, and recorded Soundtracks songs at the mall. We kept in touch after he went off to grad school in San Francisco and began to design shows for Flag and Rifle Corps. All his ventures have been a success and he's very happy. He welcomed me to California in a recent email, and wants me to come visit him soon.

John in the North, Russ in the East, Vance in the South, and Mike in the West. They scattered from my life like pool balls, landing in every corner. They had more affect on my life and growth as a woman than they will ever know. The fact that they still remain single is also very soothing to me. I was lucky to know them, and I love them still.

To my guys in every corner! *raises a toast*

Oh, and feel free to comment again--those other requests were just for those particular entries!