Something in the Air...

Here is what a dear friend and teacher told me this morning:

Things are shifting, Lexie. I'm sensing a quickening coming on - something is in the air. I'm not sure if it is just me, or if you sense something too.

I think I do.

Today, it feels like a sense of order and harmony in my world...that everything is happening exactly as it's supposed to, and that great things are coming.

In the event that I don't make a post for awhile, I didn't want my last entry to be the one on top...I don't want to leave people with the impression that I'm sitting around living in the past and wallowing 24/7...I'm not at all.

Thanks for holding the energy while I waded through a layer of grief, though.

I like how another friend of mine leaves a "Today's Plan" in her blog. My plans for the week are to contact a senior citizen home to volunteer free chair massage, start salsa dance lessons, take a risk and ask a good male friend of mine if I can accompany him to his property up in the Central Coast -- just because I love that area and it would be a great distraction (and he is a good friend, which is all I can handle, at present).



So yeah....about that shift...about that something in the air...

Bring it, baby!

If You've SeenThis Movie...

...then you'll know exactly where I'm coming from when I say,

"...[the Glad Game]was a silly game. I hate it!"












Indulge me in this rare moment of darkness. Sometimes it's necessary to laugh and find one's way to the light.

Restoration

I dedicate this blog to all who are dealing with a "Reconstruction" in their life. For me, a good deal of my work must now be the restoration of my trust and faith.

If you do not release pain or accept it as it happens, then it will manifest later as anger, anxiety, and fear. . .Responsibility is the ability to surrender to pain as well as to pleasure. - from Deepak Chopra's 7 Spiritual Laws of Success

I talked to my guru back in Ohio. We often discuss the laws of attraction, and how they work in our lives. I sometimes need reminders about how to do this. She wasn't feeling well during our phonecall and had to cut it short, but left me a truly inspirational email this morning:

I can feel this wonderful man is out there who wants what I want and is looking for me = attraction

I know the more I think about this and feel my way into how I want to feel, the faster he is coming = attraction

I will breathe in and out and be alert so I will see him = attraction

I wish [my former love]had been more honest about how he felt = brings men who you wish would be more honest about how they feel

I want a man who is honest about his feelings = attracts a man who is honest about his feelings

Spend time thinking about and feeling how it will feel when this man connects with you. Your feelings will bring him.

I’m getting tired of this = getting tired of this. Take a deep breath and remind yourself that God is ready to bring you what you want and relax. Focus on what is in front of you, laundry, writing, your cat!

Practice is the order of the day!! I believe some amazing man is on his way to you right now!!! Maybe he is a little apprehensive or not quiet believing that he can have what he wants too. Maybe he’s not so sure you exist!

So lets pray

Thank you God for this awesome opportunity to live on this incredibly beautiful planet where all is alive with vibration and where all I have to do is state my desire and it is on its way to me! Thank you for my good health and the loving support I receive from family and loved ones. I relax and know that I can trust Love to bring my desires to fruition. I am blessed with a loving, handsome man who shares my interests and desires and we lovingly create the life of our dreams together. I release all doubt and clear the path for my ideal mate. I know that you love me and want me to have all that I desire.

Thank you God,
Amen

I am going to print this out and hang it up where I can see it every day. I need to reinforce this kind of faith (for this particular issue) because it has been seriously beaten down in the last year.

Never has this been such a huge challenge for me, but I am willing to do the work. My back is against the wall, I am completely emptied out, and I surrender.

Here's to the power of healing and the restoration of faith--for me, and for everyone else who is going through this as well.

How did it get the name "meme" anyway?

Well, no one tagged me personally...*sniff* but two people opened it up to anyone, so...

Four jobs you've had:

1. Federal employee with a Top Secret Clearance (no, I can't tell you what I did, or I'll have to shoot you)

2. Elementary School Teacher.

3. Starbucks associate.

4. Textbook editor.

Four places you've lived:

1. Anderson, IN
2. Beavercreek, OH
3. Kettering, OH
4. Santa Barbara, CA

Four websites you visit daily:

1. Radio Paradise
2. Google
3. Santa Barbara Tides
4. My blog

Four television shows you love to watch:

1. Medium
2. ER
3. My Name Is Earl
4. (any that has a good movie)

Four of your favorite foods:

1. Prime Rib (with all the fixins)
2. Chinese Food
3. Sushi
4. Most Italian dishes with a good red wine

Four albums you can't live without (at least for the moment):

I can't, even for the moment, narrow this down. I just CAN'T!
1.
2.
3.
4.

Four places you'd rather be:

1. In the arms of my lifemate
2. Big Sur
3. Tuscany
4. Scotland

Four people to tag for this meme:

Everyone who hasn't been tagged--and who wants to participate! :)

Taking Stock in the Little Gifts

My drive home from work tonight was brightened by one little song (Dare, by Gorillaz) on the radio. It has a neo-disco groove, and even though most would consider it pop crap--I like it, and car-danced to it.

Before that, my entire evening was brightened by a heart-to-heart talk with a younger coworker over our dinner break and ensuing two hours of no appointments. I am grateful for the fact that I can totally be myself with an awesome bunch of fellow bodyworkers--the reward of being in my new career. Down to earth and real people.

The night before, I got to have "girl night" with my newly adopted big sister...who eased me through another layer of my healing and forgiveness work I've been doing--over delicious pizza and milkshakes. How I've waited to have a close buddy like that in town--since all my others live back in Ohio.

The afternoon before, I enjoyed a very meditative and therapeutic two-hour massage by a gifted and beautiful young man whom I work with--he chose not to watch the clock because he wanted to just be an artist and let intuition tell him what to do. It was a trade and I felt very lucky to have someone like him as a trading partner with very little money coming in right now--I can only hope his massage is half as good on Tuesday when I take my turn as provider.

The same afternoon I gave a massage to a very appreciative woman (and mother of a five year old) who was on a weekend getaway with her husband. She said it was the best one she's ever had. She also had on pikake perfume (which I'm going to get soon) that made me feel like I was doing massage in Hawaii. Heavenly!

This morning, the minister at my church gave a lesson about starting the year with a "new heart." The cover on the bulletin for today's services was of a woods in nearby Gaviota, with new greenery and blossoms growing on scorched trees and ground after the fire there in 2004. "The earth never stayed angry about what happened to it and refused to grow any longer. Instead, it just started anew...and although the woods will never be the same woods it was before the fire...it will be the woods everyone still looks for." The analogy to my own life right now was priceless. I've started over many times with a new heart--why not once more. I know it won't happen all at once, but as long as I'm willing...

My cat has been falling asleep curled up next to my face with her forepaws on my shoulder. I go to sleep to a lullaby of warm purring in my ear. This helps me not dwell on/despair over the fact that I've been sleeping alone for a long, long time. For now, she's all I've got and it's okay.

This week, I will have a very first face-to-face meeting with a dear friend who has--until this week--been a voice of comfort/kindredness on the phone and in long, expressive emails. He already feels like some "bonus" big brother I never asked for but got anyway. It will surely brighten the week.

Sometimes it's the little things that make up one big beautiful whole. This is life that happens while I'm busy making other plans. And I'm truly grateful.

The Power of Thoughts

Happy 2006!! I sincerely wish all the best for each and every once of us.

I can't believe it's almost been a whole year since I went to a workshop by one of my honored Zen teachers/authors, Cheri Huber. The last thing she said to me before I left was *wink* "See you in California."

There is a tool I've learned from her teachings, that I often get off the shelf to help acquire a miracle. It is the tool of realizing that a mere thought in my head is what's causing suffering. It can be not there one second, there the next, or not there in another. What I do with the thought is key.

Yesterday, I was angrier than I've ever been in a long, long time. As I cooked dinner, I seethed and wanted to break something. Then the phone rang. It was the yoga teacher from Sycamore Springs, returning my call!

Sycamore Springs is my spiritual getaway up in SLO-town (Avila Beach). I took her class when I went to a day-away there last October, and saw her advertisement for "Full Moon Yoga" that she holds there once a month. It involves aquatic yoga in a mineral springs pool/waterfall and regular yoga in their retreat center--all beneath the full moon. I was finally able to make the January class, and she gave me the details.

This woman (very spiritual, very laid back and very intuitive) told me, "You are very sweet and I look forward to seeing you." Thoughts spun in my head. How I'd like to work with her. Sycamore Springs is expanding their retreat center, and is the exact sort of place I've been looking for to do massage and other bodywork. In a more rural, peaceful, non-commercial and spiritual environment. She feels like an instrumental person up and coming in my life. We shall see.

When I hung up, there was no anger. No seething. Just a feeling of peace and exuberance.

In just one minute, the thought causing me pain was gone, because I chose to let it go.

Amazing.

Reality took over next day, and I did indeed stew some more, because I chose to pick the thought back up again. I don't think it'll rest until I've communicated to the person what I need communicate. But I will let my Higher Power guide me to the right time and place to do that.

In the meantime, if I remember to stay right here and now, all is well.

Namaste, baby.