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I am on a fantastic journey, embracing life with everything I've got!

Monday, December 03, 2007

Rain, Tears, Music and Glory

What an intense week it's been. My god!

For most of November, I was in a cruise mode with lots of new clients calling for appointments and making frequent trips to the bank to deposit checks. It certainly helped that the local newspaper did a self-requested feature on me and my business--bringing world-class spa experience back from California to the people of my hometown. Between that article and Craig's List, my massage office was a hoppin'. My heart soared with gratitude, and I had hope for the future.

Every time my heart started to ache for Santa Barbara, the Universe would send me a reminder of why I came back. One night it was gathering of the wonderful circle of friends I know through my "bff" (heh) Martha. We all had dinner together and laughed and drank wine and toasted our dear departed Zochae by making the " back-hills guy noise" that he always used to do, to make everyone laugh. Martha has been doing pretty good, all things considered, but she has her up days and down days as far as dealing with widowhood. I am so very happy to spend lots of time with her, and bring smiles and laughs to her face. And she certainly brings smiles to mine, especially when she shows me things like Potter Puppet Pals

So this past week, two things happened that suddenly made me cave in on myself: the business slowed WAY down, and the yucky gray-soggy-rainy-barren landscape weather set in. They don't sound too hateful on their own, but mix in some crazy hormone stuff (usually doesn't happen to me during that special time of month, but lately....) and another cold that turned me into a virtual snot factory....and you've got full on implosion.

Never in my life have I related to the song California Dreamin so much (with the exception of the line "...if I was in LA," because...yuck.)!

It really helped to go spend a Saturday with my dear friend Jackie in Columbus (a friend who just dropped into my life like a gift this past summer, and who has turned out to be one of the bestest friends ever). We seem to share many points of view and have many parallels going on in our lives...and could've probably sat and talked for a couple more days without running out of things to say. And she has a very sweet doggie. And some kickass friends!

But once I left her house this morning and drove from Columbus to Cincinnati, the dam just broke and my tears came down with the rain that pelted my car and kept spraying my windshield...and my head ached and my clothes were tight (GOT DAMN weather killing my motivation to exercise, and increasing my motivation to eat comfort food)...and I just didn't want to be here. I wanted to hibernate in a warm cave.

When I got to the church in Cincinnati where my sister Carol was playing piano with a lovely and harmonious choir...my heart just opened up and I had to keep wiping tears from my eyes. The music and harmonies and her lovely piano solos were all so moving, and it was bittersweet because our time together is fleeting. She has just met the man who is most likely (I'm talkin' 99%) the "One" but he lives in Maine. I got to meet him, finally, because he was there visiting. I have never seen my sister look so radiantly happy as she played. I'm happy they crossed paths and fell in love. But she will probably move to Maine sometime next year, and we'll be separated by geography once again. So I savored time with her...in her cozy historical home in Covington with a view of the Cincinnati skyline, and in her warm kitchen with homemade lasagna in the oven, with other family members gathered around.

Once again, the Universe reminded me, "This is the stuff you were missing in Santa Barbara. This was one of your reasons for coming back."

I then went to one more concert, and this one was truly remarkable. My sister Laura joined the Cincinnati Camerata; a body of singers and musicians who perform the most breath-taking, tear-inducing chorales you've ever heard. I was so proud of her up there singing her heart out in her black gown and with her silver-streaked hair done up so pretty. I listened as I sat next to my favorite (and oldest) brother, who also loves chorales, and another sister...and I just let myself be swallowed up by it. Soon, my tears turned into a radiant smile. I was home. I was surrounded by family. I felt the glory of the music and the talent that runs rampant in our genes...and it was all okay.

I arrived safely through the wind and rain, into the warm & cozy home of my childhood where I am currently residing. And yeah, things are scary...my business is new and fragile and unpredictable, the weather and landscape are so much less desirable than where I lived for the past 2 years, but I am among friends and family. My cold isn't lingering and is on its way out. And Christmas is coming.

Christmas decorations, twinkly lights, the smell of pine, carols in the air....and hopefully snow. I would love snow to fall before I visit my dear friend and his new wife in New York City. Together, they are helping me live a life dream of seeing the Big Apple at Christmastime. Complete with Rockefeller Center Christmas tree and skating in Central Park.

And all is well in my world.

2 Comments:

Blogger Melanie said...

some days you are going up the hill and some days you are coming down the hill. and some days you are on the level ground.

hope you get to NY and get some skating in! :hugs:

4:20 PM  
Blogger winter said...

*hug*

12:18 AM  

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